Forgotten year

I haven’t had normal communication with you in three years, have I? You haven’t said you miss me for three years, have you? Did you not live in a sober world for three years? Will there be children and me in your world that you care about day and night?     I’ve always heard them say recently, ” Your grandmother is much more ill.’,’ Your grandmother has a much clearer mind.”. I always said with a smile, ” Yes! She’s not Alzheimer’s, she’s depressed, she sent it when she was young, and she’ll be fine! I used to explain to people who asked me, ” My grandmother is not senile dementia. She doesn’t like to talk because she has depression and will be fine.”! I always believe that you will be fine. I believe that you will call me up one morning as usual with a strange accent, or very reproachfully say, ” Go to sleep again. What time is it now?”! I never liked to wear the clothes you had prepared before. I always secretly took off my woolen trousers in winter. I also didn’t like to go to the bathhouse with you in winter. I envy the children who were brought to take a bath by my mother. I hate you for exerting too much force every time you rub my bath..     You should be the kind of old lady who is very short-tempered and bad – tempered, right.     You always worry that I will be bullied by others. I still remember that I accidentally fell into the river while playing with a few boys next door. Fortunately, several adults saw me at that time. You ran over and hugged me while crying that day. The most you said at that time was’ I’ll lock you in the house next time you go out’. Later, I heard that those boys did not dare to come to me for several days. I hated and blamed you for this in my heart. I thought I was still afraid of you..     In 2008, you suffered an earthquake because of my parents who worked in Chengdu, and your old illness recurred because I cried every day when I called home because I was not happy in school, this time for three years. They say you’ll be fine, just for a long time.     They also said that they may not be able to recover from this mental illness because they are older..     I want you to be better, even if you criticize me every day and pick my faults every day, yet you are extremely partial to me..     You can’t bear to be tired by any one in your family. You said it was hard to earn money outside, so take a good rest when you come back and don’t want them to do anything. Every day you are busy at a family dinner, and then you can eat at the end of the day.. You spoke in a loud voice. I thought you were in good health at that time..     But now you don’t want to say more than half a sentence. You always sit alone in the doorway and bask in the sun. You sometimes ask me where the sun is outside today, and then sit alone in a small room without waiting for me to answer. You just sit in the lounge chair, motionless for a long time, and you always ignore people who ask you at home.. You won’t even say a word to Grandpa. You won’t know how angry Grandpa was when he was going to wash your hair that day when you knocked over the washbasin and refused to wash it. I think he was also very sad.. You took care of him so well before, you know? Grandpa still can’t wash clothes. He still can’t cook many dishes. He fried chili bean curd for a summer vacation last year. Although I thought you didn’t cook as much as my mother, I still hope to eat your cooking again..     After the winter vacation, the grandmother next door said, ” Your grandmother is still talking to us. Your grandmother said she missed you the other day and said you did things for her at home. When you went to school, no one did anything.”. I know you won’t turn a blind eye to everything, at least you still miss me.     I like to take you out for a stroll now. The doctor said that you should be more relaxed when you are ill. Did you hear them praise your granddaughter for being so sweet and happy to you?? You’ll be all right, won’t you? I really want to see you running before and after every day. I hope you can see me happy. You still have a lot to tell me!     I said I won’t go far to work and start a family and career in the future. I said I’m too homesick. I said I loathe to give up my mother. In fact, I’m worried that I will not be able to be by your side one day when you need me..     You have given me too much love, and I want to give it back to you slowly.     You can’t No Country for Old Men, because I love you.